Yes, I said that my calendar scares me. Have you ever made plans for things and as they get closer you kind of freak out, because it seemed as though the time came way faster than you expected.
Yeah, that is exactly how I am feeling. Just as fast as I was celebrating that a new year was coming and plans had been made is as fast as they come. Now it is March, MARCH!! What happened to January and February.
Literally a few weeks ago I posted about me having senioritis — then the other day I went on to my school’s website and looked at the commencement section. The date and time has been set and in a few weeks I can go get my tickets and cap and gown. Which is weird because I am debating going to graduation. I think that I would want my sisters to go to this graduation. This way they can see what they are working towards. Well, all of them can’t go but three of them can. I don’t know.
Then, I have been thinking about taking a big leap and leaving this place that I have known all of life, knowing that it is going to be something extraordinary and necessary in order to continue to do great things. It is something (like many other things I have done) that I will do alone. But that is what makes it scary and exciting at the same time. I know that it will be something that build my endurance.
My calendar scares me because dates are approaching rapidly and of course I cannot stop it. It is making me work harder which is not a bad thing at all, it is just something that reminds me that 24 hours in a day is not enough. I work hard to not waste any time during the day. I do make sure that I take a day or two to step away from what is going on in my world. Then there is that one idea that I cannot put down. There is that one thought where I am like “Why didn’t I think of that sooner?”. I have to write it down and then see where the thought pattern goes.
I have that ‘issue’ when it comes to blogging too. There have been days where i will start writing an idea as a post and have to make sure that it is something that I really want to put out there.
Then I tell myself that it is either too personal of my lifestyle or that it is something that I want to completely think through before I make it a permanent thought online.
This is another reason that my calendar scares me. Along with the other things that I have going on in my life is that I have a calendar for my personal life and ‘this’ life. I have to make sure that I keep my schedule. Not because I feel obligated to the readers (which I do), but because I made it an obligation to myself. There have been things that I was good at that I stopped doing after a certain amount of time just because I could. There was no real reason. I just did.
Like I used to make perfumes. And I was good at it. I sold my perfumes in different states. It was highly tolerate to people with sensitive skin and it lasted all day. It started off as a class project then people were interested so I made it a business. It lasted for a good amount of time. Then I just…stopped.
I am not a quitter, but I had an issue believing in myself. Which is why I would step away from things. Not because I am lazy, my self confidence was low.
My calendar scares me because things that I am planning are rapidly approaching and I am looking forward to what they have in store for me. They are things, obligations, engagements or opportunities that I have worked hard for and I am so glad to see the result that comes from them.
Like my website (www.tinaisdeme.com), it is something that I have secretly been working on professionally. Now that it is live I am so proud of it. Now, if I can just get myself together enough to get the domain for this baby here. It is on my list.
Tomorrow can show the results of today. My calendar is full of things that I have been working so hard for. Things that I have been desiring. Things that I have never had support for but I knew that I had to accomplish.
My calendar scares me because all of my goals are coming true. It doesn’t scare me, it excites me.