While daydreaming during a class break, I was thinking about how far I have come and I have decided to write myself three letters. One to myself at the age of 14, 25 and 30. Trust a few years can make a difference in your life.
You’re 14. I know that you are excited. You are starting high school in a few months. That is so crazy. Think about how your life has been up to this point. I know that it seems like it will never get better. You father is not the best father. At this point you much rather just not know him then to know him. The situation with your mom seems to be awkward. You have no idea what type of relationship that you have. There are strains, you want to be her friend and her daughter. But which one do you want more. Either way you have to realize that your mother has faults. As much as you want to prove she is perfect and wonderful…she isn’t that. Open your eyes to the big picture and not the pieces of your choosing. Your family, will remain the same way that they are. Stop hoping for them to change and care. They just don’t. If you are honest with yourself now, it will save you much heartache later on.
Now, besides the crap of life, I want you to be proud of yourself. You have no idea what you have accomplished so far. You have not fallen into the normal effects of a sad childhood. You graduated middle school as one of the tops students. You are starting high school taking courses with Sophomores. You are working towards going a way to school after high school. Sweetheart, you are beautiful. I love that you are humble. But stop being so humble that you are killing your self-esteem. You are brains, beauty and talent. You are NOT a body. Please do not fall into that thought. Love you.
Continue to stay strong in your ideals. They are not like those of your family members. They may not be like those of your friends. Do not settle. Do not make yourself have to fit in. You are built to be exquisite. You are not like everyone else.
Okay, so it is obvious that boys are becoming a stronger thing now. LoL. I don’t want you to hold back in this area. Yes, i know you have trust issues for so many reasons but i want you to know that there will be someone that will come in and you will regret not taking that step. You will have years of wonder about it, just let it flow. It will be more beautiful if you do. Otherwise there will be one person you regret. This is something that I know.
Life is way more beautiful then you will ever expect it to be. Allowing your past and the actions of your family deter you from life is not something you should do in any factor of life. Listen to me, you’ll be glad that you did.
That letter has a lot of hidden messages that I refuse to put out there for the rest of the world, but I will say that I definitely needed those words back then. There was this feeling of alone all the time, no matter how many friends I had at that time or how long we had been friends.
Hi My Love,
Yes, I am talking to you. Can you believe that you are not 25. The years seem to be moving so fast since you turned 16. You graduated high school and then got short stopped I know. Since then you have been trying to figure out how to get back to you. This upcoming fall will be the beginning of your senior year at BC. Yes boo you are finishing that Bachelor’s degree. Hey!! We did it. You will have some hardships along the way but it isn’t something that you cannot handle. You have gotten this far in your life, why give up now. Do not let any defeat you! Do not let anyone make you feel like you are not good enough. Like your accomplishments mean nothing, because you are nothing. All that is, is envy of that person. You have done so much in your 25 years of life that not even your parents have done. This is not a race or competition about life. It is about you being more than the circle that your family has going on. You can be, you are the change. I hope that you look at yourself everyday and continue to see the beautiful woman that you have begun. I see that you stand with your shoulders straight and strong more. Your head held high more. I know that you are seeing your path brighter than you did before. You are so close to getting out of the fogginess. Keep your head high, don’t squint…keep your eyes wide open. Oh, and somehow that one boy will leave your mind. Okay, maybe there is more than one. You are destined to be a woman in power, not a woman in the shadows. Remember that. DESTINED FOR POWER!!
The year I turned 25, was a rough one. There will never be another one like it. I put that out in the energy.
This final letter is for my future self. I want to be able to look back and not just see my post, but I also want to tell myself something beautiful besides the fact that I am beautiful.
Hey Girl Hey,
You made it! You are the dirty 30 boo. And you have done great things. Did you imagine that you would be here. Obviously, you did! That is why you are here right. You didn’t let your dream just be a dream. You made it happen. It is feasible. I am so proud of you. Hug yourself will ya. There is no reason to look back besides to tell your story of greatness. Remain humble my dear. I know your sisters are very proud of the things that you have done. You are a great role model to them all. You are one of the definitions that hard work pays off. You have built a new path for them to take. There doesn’t have to be a repeat. Continue this beautiful growth and strength as time goes on – both personally and professionally. You may not need me in your head anymore. I am always hear as your shoulder. I will listen to your thoughts and be there to push you forward. Remember that. I love you. YOU LOVE YOU.