Who’s The Mother

The new episode of Intervention that I am watched on Lifetime, had a mother who was depressed and her oldest child became the mother.  The girls name was Meghan.  The girl not only became the mother of her younger siblings at a very young age, but also that she was being abused.  When she went to tell her mother, her mom says that she told her that she was tired and that whatever she had to tell her it would have to wait until the morning.

After all of that she ended up cutting herself.  Meghan did it so badly that she ended up in foster care after repeatedly going to the hospital.  There her life was amazing; until it was ‘age out’ time and she had to move on.  At this point, Meghan is only 20 – during the taping.  So much trauma has taken place in this girls life.

I thought this was important because she distinctly said that she was tired of being the mother and not the sister.

This poor girl.  This also hit a nerve because recently Bobbi Kristina was found in her bathtub unresponsive.  Now, I am NOT saying that she (Bobbi K) had an overdose.

I am writing and thinking about these girls because I wonder why and when did it become okay that the mom no longer was the mom?  When did it become okay that when a child is crying out that the cries are ignored?  I remember being a child crying out.  No one would listen.  No one.

I am past that now, but I know that feeling.  I know what it is like to tell someone that you are in need of emotional connection from people especially your family.  Yet, that was not something that happened.  There were days when I did think of finding my way out.  However that was.  Whether it was painful or peaceful.  (Remember this is a past tense statement.)

This is not about me, this about those children right now who can’t go away to college or just do something with their lives but can’t because they have to stay home to work and help pay the bills and help take care of the kids.  This is about those kids who had to have kids before they had kids, to comprehend those things.

Helping your parents and still being a child is one thing.  Yet, if you are a child who has to be a parent…why is that normal?  I want my children to say that they had extra curricular activities.  I want them to study and take care of their school priorities.  I do want the to understand working, making their own money and such.  I want my kids to say that they had a childhood.  One of memories, joy (not perfect because there are going to be rough days) but with no regrets.

Well rounded is what I am striving for.  I want to minimize the pain in their life because I am their mother.  I’m realistic to know there is gong to be pain.  I just want to be their MOM.  Seeing this girl hearing her story about the cutting, bulimia, the abuse and the drugs to mask everything speaks to me.  Who wants to know their child does things like that because they didn’t want to pay attention?  Or that you were so worried about yourself that you loaded a child with adult problems to solve so that is why they hurt themselves.

What kind of mom desires to have their child be the mom?

I refuse to be my mother’s mom.  I didn’t have to do that because I did not grow up with my mom.

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